Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
