They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
