My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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