textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
