oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
