Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
