Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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