There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
