I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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