his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
