i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
