dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize