I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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