I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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