We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
