I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
