I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
