I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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