that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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