Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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