yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
