Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
