I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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