ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
