My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
don't judge my taste in strippers
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
