The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize