and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Come on in and take your pants off
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