i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
