its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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