You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
