apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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