i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
