Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
