I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
