the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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