Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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