She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
