just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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