I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
