She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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