can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
