I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
