I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
