I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
