Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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