yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
