im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
