I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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