I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
