my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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