I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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