you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
