I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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