I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Please don't give away my fajitas
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
