I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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