Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
