You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
