IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
