Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
