My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Blood and glitter go together right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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