i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
