remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
