oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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