mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
