ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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