my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
