My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
