too bad you live with your parents still
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
