Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
