there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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