I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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