I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
