girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
