I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
