we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
