good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
