Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
