I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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