I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
