My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
