playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
