so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize