i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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