Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
