McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize