I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
