my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
